Inspired

I have a lot on my mind. I usually do...but just these past 3 days...I've had so much on my mind I can't focus on much. I keep having ironic things happen to me and I keep realizing and discovering more things about Myself. Just in these past 3 days. Hard to explain and really no need to. All I know is that i truly believe I am willing to give my life to my dream. 

I don't know why I have the dream in the first place. I know I'm not qualified...least not yet. I feel like David who was called to take on Goliath. I'm honestly really scared. But I know that there's a reason for my dream. And if God would stop putting little signs in my life...I would stop trying to envision it all. But He doesn't stop. I really am afraid that I can't do it...however my God says its possible.

So I've had a great weekend full of great friends and great talks. And then at the same time I've felt lonely. But with God. Does that make sense? I think God seriously makes me feel that way so I stay focused on what He wants for me. So tonight as I got out of my car at southern family market...I said outloud that I would give up everything and pursue my dream more than anything. Meaning I would give up every other thing or experience in my life, if I need to for my dream. Maybe that's why He takes things away? AND Why he gives the things and people He does.

haha. "Voice of Truth" just came on as I type this. 

"Voice of Truth says do not be afraid. This is for my glory."

"... all these other voices calling out to me..."yeah i know those voices...the ones that say its not possible. 

"the kind of strength it takes to stand before a giant with just a sling and a stone."....i mean i just said that! ...kinda weird...makin that comparison and now the song haha God is funny. Ok i think im gonna listen and relax. Time to keep focused on one thing...God and the dream. 

night

Yeah, He Feels

        "Faith is moving without knowing."-  Fireflight :Unbreakable

God is up to something. He always has something new for us to understand about Him. I noticed the other day something kinda interesting. I've changed this past year. I used to talk to Jesus...you know the Savior of the earth? ha...the one who was human While being God. He was my best friend. I talked to him like he was. These days i talk to God more. Yes i know they are one and the same...BUT basically im saying I changed the way I pray. It's as if when I talk to God I'm more myself and blunt because He's in control and I know He calls the shots in my life. I think over these past 5 months with all the changes in my life, I've just switched how I pray. It's like I don't talk to Jesus... who I feel can relate better...I talk to God....who, in some ways i see Him looking at me more from a distance sometimes. It's almost as if I forget that HE is still my best friend as well as my father. So lately, I just go to Him with my "Ok. You did this. Now I'm accepting it and letting you do your thing...even though it hurts." When I should just be honest with myself and go to Him in my pain, because...that's ok. I was reading Beth Moore's book outside the other day...and this one simple line got me. So I highlighted it. ha. The line was this:

"But God still feels. Beloved, God still feels."

It was like I had forgotten. My prayer life had changed to somewhat bitterness with what He was Letting happen in my life. Like, I believed it was all for a good reason one day that these things were happening, but I wasn't exactly happy with it. It was like God in return was only saying "I am doing what's best. Just wait."

When I really wanted to hear Him say, "I know it hurts. This is a hard situation in your life Danielle and I'm with you. Even though it's all gonna be ok, I know it hurts now." I just didn't FEEL like that was what He was saying to me. (this may be sorta confusing...but its just how i felt)

When it hit me that GOD, My father, AND best friend, STILL feels...it made ME feel amazing. How did I ever forget that? Of course He feels. He created US. We're made in His image...He feels too. And He feels for the whole world. Yeah, He feels and cares about me in every way.

So the point is, I can't forget that even though I go through rough times... God is in control...AND cares so much about how I feel. He's everything. So just don't forget... GOD STILL FEELS.

and question to aunt lisa if u read this...do you look at God and Jesus different? I used to seriously only pray to Jesus really....i know that weird but thats jus how i did it...even though JESUS prayed to God. ha...im jus saying...i find it weird that i do it at all....

Crazy Dream

As i sit here lying in my bed on my laptop, my lil yorkie thinks its fun to toss her lil bone onto my laptop keys. I throw it off and then it appears back onto my keys. I throw it off AGAIN. And it appears, oh so softly, back again. It's actually really weird to me that my dog can toss something with her mouth and not move any other part of her body while doing that.

ANYWAY, I took a nap today before work...I was bored...what would You do? please.
Back to my nap...so I had this dream where all the sudden I was going down an escalator...that led me to a ride...kind of a rollercoaster ride but not exactly. Once I got to the bottom, I had no choice but to get on the ride. I was pushed onto it. It was weird. Then once I was on it I saw people who wouldn't help me get off at all. They just stared. And before you know it I was sitting in the cart that was slowly starting to move out the roof and I wasn't buckled in. I freaked out! (in my dream) Then I reached around but couldn't find a seat belt at all. (you know those dreams when you wake up and your heart is racing? ok this was one of those) It was the feeling of "CRAP I'm on this scary ride, barely secured in and it's starting to go!"....Then I woke up.
Seems stupid, I know. Anyway, I overanalyze half the things in my life. All i know is right now I'm pretty scared about my fall internship. And where I want to go for it...LA, NY, or any other big city. AND will I get a good internship like that at all??? Pretty scary. And if i do, its gonna be a BIG Change and something completely New to me. So the dream. I think that's how it's gonna feel. Like I'm taking off and I don't have control or feel safe. I know myself and I get myself into things sometimes and don't have a chance to pull out. So now i've decided to just trust God on this internship thing. Easier said than done. BUT He's like this. He loves for us to just TRUST Him. So we'll see where He takes me and what's gonna happen... soon enough. Dreams are just weird.